They say you should never send an email when you're angry... Maybe you should never write a blog when you're hurting, but hey... lets see how we go.
In loving memory of Pale Bum ♥
Our Fur Babies.
One of the biggest challenges I've had mentally coming to terms with the idea of becoming a dad is that I feel I've been there since my late teens anyway with Leanne being substantially longer.
You may know from some of the other blogs me and Leanne got together comparatively young in this day and age but I was absolutely not her first love or her true love. That honour will always go to a 6ft 3, mousey blonde/brunette, jacked sweetheart... named Clyde.
From the day I met Leanne animals have had a huge space in our lives and anybody who has had them knows they are a huge delight but also can be a burden on us.
The animals in our lives are he reason we have to leave the bbq at 4pm when we only arrived at 12:30, the reason that we leave the new years eve party at 11:40 to make sure we are home before the fireworks start, the reason we don't typically go abroad because not only costs of care but we actually want our down time to enjoy the animals WE CHOSE TO HAVE!
The start of something...
Of course... as a 19 year old hero of a guy who'd found this hottie to have on my arm I was all in. From day one... no doubt.
I would get up at a ridiculous time in the morning to go and smell like horse shit before I started work to get dragged around a mucky stable yard and be abused by this flippin monster who hated me.
But I loved it...
I knew that the bond Leanne and Clyde had was something special and I was happy to go along for the ride. Until we met... A full eyed grumpy old mare who seemed to hate every-one and everything. Tuppence. They say that when you have a child you know instantly that you have never felt love like it and I truly believe that people who develop a bond with animals are not too far away from that. We become care givers, responsible for their entire lives and of course they rob us of every penny we have and show no appreciation for the cost of it! But oh how they do show us love.
I won't go too much into the details of how we came into ownership of her but after the generosity of an amazing couple and a donation to the air ambulance this beautiful girl became ours.
The first losses...
I was working one afternoon and got a call on the office phone. My manager had answered and I thought she was taking the piss, Dave... yeah? Leannes on the phone... Ha yeah good one... Who is it really?
No it's Leanne. Ah right OK put her through.
You alright? Yeah... Tup's not very well.,,
Of course not very well to a dumbo like me meant she was a little under the weather.
OK, I'll swing round after work. click. phone down.
What felt like minutes later the phone went again. She really isn't well.
OK, I'll be there asap.
Let me tell you - the car journey from Hinckley to Aylestone that night has never felt so long! I got there and she was clearly very poorly so we had the wait for the vet just making her feel better. When the vet arrived we went through the routine and knew by the end of the visit it was touch and go for the night so has to keep an eye on her.
We decided after the stresses of the evening it would be best to give her a little quiet time and went back home to grab some food and get me out of my work clothes and no sooner had we got there we got a call from the farm owner to say we needed to get back.
The vet came out again and told us the news nobody wants to hear. She needed to be put to sleep.
We had literally zero money and I had to ring my mum and dad to see if we could borrow it to cover the costs of putting her to sleep.
Needless to say, the shame of that coupled with knowing we were making the decision to put my first true bond to sleep broke me. I have no shame in admitting I cried like a new-born baby and had the next day off work just to come to terms with it.
The aimless voids...
Since we lost Tup, there has been a void in me I have never filled. I love all of my pets for their own reasons and as we lose each one, another hole appears that never gets filled but just becomes more manageable and we spread the love further and further.
So... for anyone who is curious we have had/have 4 fish, 1 rabbit, 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 horses, 9 chickens.
Of course with all of these babies we develop bonds and they are all sentient beings who have their own characteristics and personalities.
What I have come to learn is that as time goes on we manage illnesses and bereavements with each of them which although are never easy definitely become easier when they pass away without us making that decision.
To Pale Bum...
Since I decided I wanted to have chickens we initially got a few different species specifically from chicks and nurtured them at home. We unfortunately lost 3 of the 4 we originally got for a variety of reasons all of which we never had to take to the vets so we know they died at home in an environment comfortable to them.
When we got down to betty, our last baby girl, I hated looking our to see her all alone staring back at the house. Chickens are obviously flock animals. So I made the decision she needs friends. And what better than rehoming some girlies who have had a shit start in life in the battery industry?
What I didn't realise is that because of the way these birds are bread they are prone to diseases and infections.
Our Pale Bum started showing signs of being a little poorly a few days ago, but you know how it is! The weathers changing, there's a few foxes at night maybe shes a little stressed or going through a shuffle in the pecking order.
I got home from work today and knew she wasn't well so set up an emergency appointment with the vet (who were fantastic!) and I have no shame in saying I left there unable to drive for the first 5 minutes. I know I made the right decision but the difficulty is exactly that. It was MY decision. Not natures, Not other forces and at 3:30am, after not really sleeping because of racing thoughts of could I have done more, I hope she is OK now, I miss her already. We have another void that appears.
A note to employers...
There is an old saying that we never know what somebody else is going through.
Never is this more true than with pets.
To you it may be the kids rabbit, the Mrs dog or just another animal.
To somebody else it could be their emotional companion, their best friend or their choice in place of children.
So the next time an employee asks for a little flexibility to tend to a pet, or compassion when losing one. Please acknowledge the loss, the need for support and the importance these amazing animals play in so many peoples lives x
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